Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
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Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
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there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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