I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
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they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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