Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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