I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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