I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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