I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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