Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize