It's Friday. Sex?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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