He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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