Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
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You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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