The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
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I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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