Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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