a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
