I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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