How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm too high and old for this...
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