I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
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How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
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Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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