Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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