I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
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So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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