Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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