They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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