brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
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it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
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The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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