Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
we should paint friendship bongs
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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