I accidentally had phone sex last night
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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