I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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