Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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