..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
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He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
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If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize