my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
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We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
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She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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