Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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