You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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