i just had sex bonerless
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
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He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
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At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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