I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
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Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
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We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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