Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
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Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize