Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize