jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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