jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize