You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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