call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize