yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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