I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
The air taste purple.
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