i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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