I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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