this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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