eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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