K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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