That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
we're making bets on your personal life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
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