Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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