i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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