Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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