Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize