marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize