It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
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yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
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2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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