she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
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She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
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They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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