Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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